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Eight's my lucky number

Oct. 29th, 2008 | 08:29 pm
mood: jubilantjubilant

'80 / '08... Phillies rule!!

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Thoughts on Al Davis

Oct. 3rd, 2008 | 02:49 am

So Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis has shitcanned the kid, then blown up the can.

As I've said for many years, I have a love/hate relationship with Davis, as most Raider fans do. On the positive side, he's a student of the game... a football man before a businessman... loyal to and financially supportive of his friends and old players... and demands the best out of his young players and staff.

But as we can all see, he's become an anachronism in a corporate league. He screwed the citizens of two cities in his desire for suitable accomodations and proper ass-kissing. He's still trying to play the game like it's 1976. He has little tolerance and patience for those who don't bend to his will, wielding his absolute authority like a concrete cudgel. And with time running out on him, he wants another Lombardi and he'll run over old ladies, homeless puppies and Jesus himself to get it and get it right now, goddammit.

He made a series of hasty, grievous mistakes beginning with the move to LA in the early 80's. Then he tried to coach via hapless proxies through the 80's and 90's (including Shanahan) and found middling success with teams loaded with wasted talent. One of his last coaches that was worth a shit was Art Shell and Davis fired him like a chump because he wanted another Super Bowl ring and didn't feel like waiting any longer for Shell to finally work everything out. Then Gruden came along, and despite the growing public realization that Davis had gotten lucky enough to hire a young, headstrong, hardcore genius just coming into his own, Davis didn't like the way Gruden was getting all uppity without kissing his ring and drove him out. Gruden and the Bucs' crushing physical and psychological defeat of the Raiders in the Super Bowl was just desserts that I had no problem with.

The Gruden fiasco was the next-to-next-to-last indignity that sealed the Raiders' sorry fate to this day. The penultimate one was the shameful second firing of Art Shell, a good man and coach handicapped with shit players, shit coaches and no power to change any of it.

The (hopefully) last indignity of the late Davis era, and perhaps the most egregiously selfish and stupid one of all, was the hiring and firing of Kiffin. The kid never should've been hired to begin with, but who in their right mind is gonna work for Al Davis these days? And again, Davis lorded over him from above, tied his hands on roster changes, forced him to keep dead weight on the staff, discouraged him from trying new things and then isolated him from the front office and team. Kiffin was a dead duck who knew he was screwed and tried to coach through it anyway. Being so young, he probably didn't handle it as well as he could have, but what real recourse did he have besides quitting like a coward? Better to be fired than to run like a chickenshit.

To not pay the kid the money Davis contractually owes him should pretty much be the final straw for fans in Oakland. It's not like Davis is bringing in Madden or Ditka or the ghost of Bill Walsh. He's gonna stick another hapless toadie in there and the Raiders will continue to stink. Kiffin will sue and Davis may fight him or throw money at him but the end will be the same... nothing will change. The fans are gonna revolt, or just not show up anymore.

I think we're all tired of waiting for Davis to die, even if it means the Raiders once and for all lose their soul.

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Hey Belichick! (Part 2)

Feb. 5th, 2008 | 03:16 am

Who doesn't love a good sequel?  2008's turning out to be a wonderful year so far, unless you're a Patriots fan or their loathsome coach.  I've had to endure a horrific nightmare of Patriot "dominance" since the hellish 2002 Snow Bowl, the first in a long series of Satanically lucky breaks New England has enjoyed... until now.

Congrats to the heroic Giants and special props to coach Tom Coughlin, who had as uphill a climb as anybody's ever had in an NFL season.  The man and his gritty, gutsy team have my respect.  And expect a call from Canton, Michael Strahan.

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Hey Belichick!

Sep. 14th, 2007 | 12:04 pm

P.S. You got off light, douchebag.

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Raiders Redorks

Jan. 5th, 2007 | 02:15 pm

I wrote my last post almost a year ago, inspired by the hiring of Art Shell as coach of the Oakland Raiders.  I was filled with excitement, as I felt things would finally start to look up for my favorite team.

How duped I was, yet again.  Art Shell was fired yesterday after one dismal, 2-14 season.

Back in February 2006, I wrote, "My big concerns at this point are, how will Hall-of-Famer Shell deal with the changes in the pussified and mediocre referee-dominated NFL,and who will be QB'ing the team?  I'm not gonna worry too much.  Art may struggle his first year back, but I'll be patient.  I know good things await."

The "pussified" NFL has not changed, and that was made evident by worthless pieces of shit like Randy Moss and Jerry Porter, who apparently are uncoachable and can't perform unless they're pampered with Terrell Owens(TM)-brand silk diapers.  No-class asshats that won't take orders.  Fuck them.

Referees continued to heap penalties on the Raiders too; that's a tradition that won't change until Al Davis is dead and gone.

As for the QB situation, the Raiders could have stuck John Elway in there and they would still have blown goats.  With an offensive line that bad, no quarterback is going to succeed.  Shell certainly didn't help things by hiring Tom Walsh as his OC... the guy had zero credentials other than being a close friend of the Hall-of-Famer.  Evidently Shell felt fortune would swing his way so much that things like blocking and protecting the QB would just fall into place.

However, I definitely felt that Shell deserved one more year to try and pull the Raiders out of the shithole they'd gotten themselves into in the post-Gruden years.  But with nasty old bastard Al Davis lording over most aspects of the organization, no one aside from a glutton for punishment like Shell would be foolish enough to take the reins.

With more and more within and outside the league treating Oakland like a disease-ridden corpse, the Raiders will be forced to hire from within, which means Rob Ryan will likely become their next coach.

Unless Davis drops dead at last, Ryan ain't gonna take the Raiders anywhere either.

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Raiders Redux!

Feb. 12th, 2006 | 01:43 am

It's been a long four years.

But I am back in(to) the game.

Art Shell was re-hired as the head coach of my beloved Oakland Raiders, and as far as I'm concerned, the cosmos have re-ordered themselves back to where they oughta be.

Al Davis' second-worst decision after letting Jon Gruden go was firing Art Shell after an "unsatisfactory" 9-7 season in 1994.  Art Shell is as much the Raiders as Al Davis is, and even Al knows that.  Shell was the first black NFL head coach of modern times, and he was a damn good one to boot... Davis was too hasty to get another Lombardi, and as the mighty Bill Cowher has shown, you gotta give the good ones time.  Darth Al will live to be a thousand as most evil people do, so he has nothing but time... best to just let the fucking team be now, cap'n!

With Shell returning, Madden making the Hall of Fame and the Patriots booted out of the playoffs with a serious ass-kicking, it truly does seem the football gods desire that Oakland return to the days of yore.  Alegate XI, here I come!

Oh sure, there are naysayers who expect Shell to drop dead on the sidelines from a diabetic fit while being bitched at on the sidelines by some hack QB like classless chump Jeff Hostetler did to Shell back in the day.  Fuck 'em.  Half this game is about attitude, and that's what the Raiders have been lacking under milquetoasts like Mike White, Bill Callahan and Norv Turner.

My big concerns at this point are, how will Hall-of-Famer Shell deal with the changes in the pussified and mediocre referee-dominated NFL, and who will be QB'ing the team?

I'm not gonna worry too much.  Art may struggle his first year back, but I'll be patient.  I know good things await.

And I can watch pro football again without feeling like a conned whore.

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Coretta Scott King: 1927-2006

Feb. 7th, 2006 | 03:18 pm

1927: "We're going to lynch this nigger!"

1938: "Colored washroom's round the corner, boy."

1944: "Negro soldiers are completely segregated from the white soldiers on the base."

1963: "Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever!"

1963: "One day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed."

1965: "I firmly believe that Negroes have the right to fight against these racists, by any means that are necessary."

1974: "Put your hands up, take your pants down, spread your cheeks!"

1984: "It's time for a change!"

1987: "I truly believe that they may not have some of the necessities to be, let's say, a field manager, or perhaps a general manager."

1988: "During the slave period, the slave owner would breed his big black with his big woman so that he would have a big black kid—that's where it all started."

1992: "We the jury find the defendants not guilty of the crime of assault by force."

1998: "This is our first black president."

2002: "Black people love us!"

2005: "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

2006: "For war billions more but no more for the poor."

Rest in peace, Mrs. King... we'll carry on with the dreaming.

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Comcast, Bud in the shitter

Feb. 2nd, 2006 | 02:56 pm

Give us a-la-carte channel selection and you might see profits increase rather than fall, you monopolizing bastards.

As for Anheuser-Busch's earnings decline, I can't tell you how satisfying and amusing it'll be to pay the same amount of money for fine, locally-crafted beers like theirs, theirs and theirs as poor souls round the nation will soon be paying for the carbonated mule piss that is Budweiser.

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Pickett this

Jan. 20th, 2006 | 02:15 pm

Wilson Pickett has died, sadly, just a short while after Lou Rawls passed on.   I hope this means that, at least for a few days, arenas and radio stations around the world will play the Wicked Pickett's definitive take on "Mustang Sally" instead of the irritating, soulless cut from the Commitments soundtrack that has been the only version of the song apparently available since 1991.

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Bush Administration bribed BCS, team officials to allow Texas to win Rose Bowl

Jan. 5th, 2006 | 12:18 am

As much as I'd like to believe that's true, it's not.

I watched part of the Texas-USC game tonight, as I have only passing interest in football these days and only at the college level.   The NFL can go fuck itself.   (By the way, the Patriots—America's team!—will win the Super Bowl again... it's been decreed by the powers that be once more.)

Anyway, there were five glaring mistakes that USC made tonight which allowed Texas to pull this one out.   Mind you, I did not follow the season very closely, I didn't even watch the whole game, so I am not pretending to be a brilliant analyst.   But I'm generally right about what I see, my mama didn't raise no dummy.

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